Story time when I was a child my school teachers labeled me as aproblem child becuase I didnt learn at the same pace as others I was expelled from one school and didnt renter the education system again for nearly a year through out this time I was stamented as being dyslexic school has never been a great place for me from bullying to being told by a teacher at the age of 12 that I would never amount to anything inlife has alway affected me in two ways its affected my self confidence in how good I am at things I have a tendancy .
to give up on things when they become too hard for me which becomes aggravates me in a lot of ways I don’t want to be that person that gives up at the first. hurdle so I have been slowly working . on bettering this part of my self.
however, that black dog depression always seems . to want . to rear its ugly head to try . and put the dampeners on this depersion can be like a nice comfy blanket that. you have had . for years it’s easier . to fall back into bad habits than it is to make new ones.
all of this comes. together . to make a perfect storm of self-doubt and social anxiety writing is great but I very rarely post on my blog because my spelling and grama is really bad I wish it was better I want to be able . to throw a switch . in my head and measure that everything fits. but it never does for me writing. as a dyslexic . can be a dusting. experience of trying to remember. how . to spell and. wanting to get. all the. thoughts in. your . head . down on “paper” I love . to write but I also hate it. at the same. time as I have always been. ridiculed for how bad my spelling and grama is.
even. with spelling. checkers . and software lie Grammarly it can be hard I feel its a process of writing them. re-reading. and. writing. what I have. written out.
Again I feel. annoyed with my self that. something that so many . take . for granted is. something that seems . to escape me a lot of the time.
I hope going forward that I can keep this up and improve my writing skills as I go I have always wondered if how writing feels . to others if it is just dyslexia. a thing or do others find spelling and grammar things that are hard. to grasp.
In February of 2018, I decided this was it im going to get in shape and 2 months later I had partly. achieved this I had started to lose weight and get into shape.
I have altered me. the diet I now eat low carb high protein which I always thought was a bad idea but hey it seems to have worked so far. I’ve gone from being 18 stone 9 to around 17 stone 4 so I’m slowly getting there and to use an old adage slow and steady wins the race.
my goal is to get back down to around 11 stone that will have mean with the weight that I have lost previously plus my current weight loss a total loss of nearly half my body weight which isn’t easy.
I’m not sure how it’s going to feel to get there I think I may have a massive celebration at my halfway point lol I’m starting to document my changes on my facebook and Instagram pages so follow me on there for more regular updates I’ll try to post on here at least once a week.
I have also started to swim at least 2 times a week I also have gone back to doing roller derby which I absolutely love I have loved to skate since I was younger it’s one of my fondest childhood memories.
I remember getting a pair of skates when I was around 16 and nearly going everywhere on them but ill post about this another time.
my routine consists of one pt training session per week and two sessions at the gym on my own and a group session once a week.
then add in somewhere in the middle of that around 500 to 1000 m of the swimming pool per week and one skating session per week
One thing I have been lacking in which is my step count I believe if I could get this in check I would see better gains on my weight loss journey.
Anyway that my first post in a while I shall be updating this once a week from now on so watch this space.
since the events of last year the god awful break up which left my life upside down and me rapidly spinning out of control I had only just at the time started working for my self so I was very stressed to say the least I do feel now over a year latter that I have started to pull things back together don’t get me wrong they are by no means perfect as yet but they are getting better day by day.
I’m now having CBT to help me deal with the stress that I’ve been under during the relationship with he who shall not be named I had put on a lot of weight which I have only recently started to shed. So back to the gym it is for me and lot of healthy eating My diet is seriously improved but this can fluctuate most of the foods Ive been eating have had mostly been vegetarian I’ve also found my love of cooking again.
red guacamole I made with onions, baby tomatoes and tomato puree with veggie burgers this was great
Ive also started to draw again which is some thing that I love.
I went on a date on saturday we spent the whole day talking about random stuff it was great I hope we meet up again.
so all in all things are looking up whoop .
So what i relay need to keep doing is focus on doing things that help me out and can keep me moving forward.
I’ve recently been taking on a lot and I’m finding my time is split more and more between personal projects and projects for friends and actual paid work I’m currently building a site for a charity and have editing to do for some one else and I’m supposed to doing photos and filming for a comedy night on sundays all of this is unpaid work this does mean that with all of this I have very little spare time to focus on unpaid work for people so I’m think what I’m going to have to do is put a slow down on the unpaid stuff.
I was speaking to a business mentor the other day who suggested that i set aside a set amount of time each month that I can focus on unpaid work which i think is fair and by far a better way of doing things any thing out side of this time would have to be answered with a request for some remuneration for my time time is money after all.
At the end of the day it comes down to the fact even though I work for my self doesn’t mean that I can work for free which is true I have bills to pay I have retirement to save up for just like every one else does.
the down side to this is that it does mean I haven’t had much time to focus on my drawing which is something that Ive recently got back into.
I set my hours I work when I want and where I want now this can have both positive and negative effects some times this means I over work my self
2. I can chose what projects I work on
I Don’t have to have projects handed to me and work on my part of it then sign off and thats it Im there from start to finish of the project
3. I’m not tide to a desk all day
I can work any where that I can get a wifi signal in the past i have edited videos in coffee shops and worked on websites on trains I have even worked on my own sofa
4.I only have to work with others when I want or need to
I have become a bit on a recluse of late and this is because a lot of the time Being in a room full of people babbling away can distract me and I find it some times hard to concentrate
5.the creative freedom
since being self employed I have felt that I have become more creative and have had more time to sit and think on things that I want to do
What I Don’t love about it
1. chasing invoices
as part of being self employed you are going to have to send out invoices to customers this isn’t a problem I use a great system called wave for most of my work out side of people per hour and for people per hour its mostly dealt with by there systems but the one thing i hate having to do it chase delinquent invoices that have not been paid by clients its a bit of a bug bear of mine.
2. being overworked
this can sometime be a good thing but I think something that I still have to learn about being self employed is setting boundaries for when I should work and when I shouldn’t.
3. not having enough work
being self employed can have its peaks and troughs meaning that one month I can have lots of work on and the next I can find my self just getting the required amount in I hate these times because they can lead to self doubt but yet again I think this is down more to time management than any thing else
4. finding a good work life balance
I only put this in the hate section as I find it a bit of a struggle but i assume I shall figure this out in time as I am only early on in my self employed Journey.
5. feeling unsure about the future
as any one who has ever started there own business or become self employed will know one of the most scary things can be letting go of the safe net that a monthly wage brings