Dyslexia and writing

Story time when I was a child my school teachers labeled me as aproblem child becuase I didnt learn at the same pace as others  I was expelled from one school and didnt renter the education system again for nearly a year through out this  time I was stamented  as being dyslexic school has never been a great place for me from bullying to being told by a teacher at the age of 12 that I would never amount to anything inlife has alway affected me in two ways its affected my self confidence in how good I am at things I have a tendancy .

to give up on things when they become too hard for me which becomes aggravates me in a lot of ways I don’t want to be that person that gives up at the first. hurdle so I have been slowly working . on bettering this part of my self.

however, that black dog depression always seems . to want . to rear its ugly head to try . and put the dampeners on this depersion can be like a nice comfy blanket that. you have had . for years it’s easier . to fall back into bad habits than it is to make new ones.

all of this comes. together . to make a perfect storm of self-doubt and social anxiety writing is great but I very rarely post on my blog because my spelling and grama is really bad I wish it was better I want to be able . to throw a switch . in my head and measure that everything fits. but it never does for me writing. as a dyslexic . can be a dusting. experience of trying to remember. how . to spell and. wanting to get. all the. thoughts in. your . head . down on “paper” I love . to write but I also hate it. at the same. time as I have always been. ridiculed for how bad my spelling and grama is.

even. with spelling. checkers . and software lie Grammarly it can be hard I feel its a process of writing them. re-reading. and. writing. what I have. written out.

Again I feel. annoyed with my self that. something that so many . take . for granted is. something that seems . to escape me a lot of the time.

I hope going forward that I can keep this up and improve my writing skills as I go I have always wondered if how writing feels . to others if it is just dyslexia. a thing or do others find spelling and grammar things that are hard. to grasp.

 

 

5 Things I Love about being self employed and 5 I Dont

Things I Love about it

1.I’m my own boss

I set my hours I work when I want  and where I want now this can have both positive and negative effects  some times this means I over work my self

2. I can chose what projects I work on

I Don’t have to have projects  handed  to me  and  work on my part  of it then sign off and thats it  Im there  from start to finish  of the project

3. I’m not tide to a desk all day

I can work any where that I can get a wifi signal in the past i have edited  videos in coffee shops and worked on websites on trains I have even  worked on my own sofa

4.I only have to work with others when I want or need to

I have  become a bit on a recluse of late  and this is because a lot of the time Being in a room full of people babbling away  can distract me and I find it some times hard  to concentrate

5.the creative  freedom

since being self employed I have felt that I have become more creative and have had more time to sit and think on things that I want to do

What I Don’t love about it

1. chasing  invoices

as part of being self employed you are  going to have to send out invoices to customers  this isn’t a problem I use a great  system called wave for most of my work out side of people per hour and  for people per hour its mostly dealt with by there systems but the one thing i hate having  to do it chase delinquent invoices that have not been paid by  clients  its a bit of a bug bear of mine.

2. being overworked

this can sometime be a good thing but I think something that I still have to learn  about being  self employed is setting boundaries for when I should work and when I shouldn’t.

3. not having enough work

being self employed can  have its peaks and troughs meaning that  one month I can have lots of work on and the next I can find my self  just  getting the required amount in I hate these times because  they can lead to self doubt  but yet again I think this is down more to time management than any thing else

4. finding a good work life balance

I only put this in the hate section as I find it a bit of a struggle but i assume I shall figure this out in time as I am only early  on in my self employed Journey.

5. feeling unsure about the future

as any one who has ever started  there own business or become self employed will know  one of the most scary things can be letting go of the safe net that a monthly wage brings

 

Spoon Theory

Plastic of the "disposable" variety. (Alex Smith, Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic License)

I was  reading  the  spoon theory  by  Christine Miserandino  on her  site  www.butyoudontlooksick.com and  was thinking  how  this applied  to a situation  I had  last  year  and  is still on going  with the  local  council and my  council tax  where I live they  had  made a decision that  if  I was able  to sign in  at the job centre  for JSA and  get a business up and running  for a period of nearly  4 months that  i should have  been well enough to be able  to  get  my  claim  for  council tax benefit  in  on  time ( to be honest  at the  time I was very  low on spoons  and was barely  getting out of bed  most mornings).

how ever for  various  reasons  including a  really  bad bout  of  depression  which  had   been affecting me  since  january  of last  year  and  had  come and  gone  for the for the whole year  and to be  honest  still is  holding on for  dear life  rather like the black dog  cartoon.  I had also  broken  up with my   ex who  has taken me and my finances  for a bit  of a joy ride to say the least and  I m having  to service various  debts  created by him. I’m  getting  a little off  point  here  though.

So the issues  is that   the council  says  that I should  have  been  able  to  get my  claim  in  for  council tax benefit  with  no  hassle at  all I’m  sorry  I don’t  think  this is the case at the  time  my  “Spoon Count”  was very  low  to say the least and as  said  before I was barely  getting  out of  bed in the morning  a majority of the  time I spelt  though  whole days  I was  working  from bed  when I  could  to be honest the last  thing  on my  mind  was  getting  out of the house and  going  to the  city  council  hall  to get  extra  stuff  sorted  but  unfortunately  it  would  appear that my  case  has  been  dealt  with  yet  again  by  somebody   who has no  idea  about mental  health and  how it affects a person  slow clap  to that individual there.

if any  one is reading  this out there  how  do you  find  you deal  with mental of  physical illness  do you  use  spoon theory  to explain  your  situations  or  do you have another method  please let me  knowI’m always interested in how others deal with these things  .

Thanks  to  a friend  of  mine  Kat  for introducing  me to spoon theory.

 

 

Writing Idea

I’ve been thinking for a while about an idea of setting a topic for a story and then getting a group of my friends to write there own piece for each subject thats come up with they would only need to be short storys nothing longer and a few pages around  2000 words and repeat this every few months with a view of binding all of the best ones into to a collected works.

 

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Don’t lissten to what they told yer

So  as  any body knows me  knows I’m  dyslexic A reasonably  well functioning  dyslexic but still dyslexic I go through  life  with  a few  little bumps here and there a few  hiccups in life’s little play so my handwriting is  awful  I will total agree i Have  always  wanted beautiful handwriting but it has  never happened  if  I  slow  to a crawl  with my  hand  writing  I get  a passable  Dr’s  scrawl I  would say  and  my spelling leaves  a lot to be desired.

This brings  me  to the point of this post  for years and  years  I was told by  hosts of people  from teachers at my  secondary  school  to certain  adults  not to be named  here and hosts of  others that I would never amount to anything  or I cant wright or I’m just plain crap  at things  well I have  many a  thing to  say  to these nay Sayers but  all are not polite  so what would be the point in that .

Now I wont  pretend that this has not  affected my self esteem or my self  worth  because  that  would be  a lie  because it has  for many a year  now there is always a niggle of self  doubt in the back of my mind that says you are not  good enough  you wont amount  to any thing or this is crap.

On one hand this has strengthened  my  resolve recently  to prove  these  people wrong and stick up a finger  and  say  sod yer I can  do it  and  that’s what I Hope I can move  forward and do from now on

and  two all those that said  I couldn’t  write  well I Beg  to differ.

So here’s  to self  progress and improving one’s self.